when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
