I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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