oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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