i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
