He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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