theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
