I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
