return my video game
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
