walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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