i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
