Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
