I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
