I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
