He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
