omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
