Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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