i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm sobbing to NWA
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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