Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
