yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
