So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
