Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
