i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
