just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
