Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
