I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
