Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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