so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm gonna fight the coyote
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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