even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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