before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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