Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
