get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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