it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
