I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
