they said they heard you say put it in my butt
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
