this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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