I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
