if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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