I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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