I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
