Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
