she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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