Soap is not a condiment
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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