The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I am naked and annoyed.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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