there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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