I just saw a hot homeless man
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
