Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
