My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
