made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
