Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
