There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
